Tales from the CDG Tardis

OK, it’s barely 10.00 and already at least 5 things have gone wrong since arriving at my desk. I arrive to find one of our key resources isn’t working and a lecturer urgently needs access to the content. Fortunately the customer service advisor is (a) available (b) pleasant (c) helpful and we get a workaround straight back. My internet access is behaving oddly anyway so can’t help growing feeling of paranoia. Why is it only me that can’t get into stuff? Another lecturer sends me a new instalment in a series of emails. Respond politely, trying to fight the students’ corner a bit. A phone in the office keeps ringing but there is no one at the other end. A phantom fax, maybe? Eventually after reporting to various colleagues we resort to unplugging it. Most disappointing of all, I receive details of a much anticipated new product trial, but can’t get it to activate. Tantalising!

Such is the reality of the business we are in. It’s messy. It’s bitty. Interruptions come as standard. Yesterday I walked 10 feet from my desk to a set of shelves and forgot halfway there what I had come for.

The Famous Five never had to deal with this sort of setback. Until now, that is. I hear they are being revamped this year with a new multicultural mobile-toting gang led by Jyothi, daughter of George. One set of stereotypes replaced with another, though, as the drippy Anne mutates into Allie, the visiting valley girl. Why is it OK to be offensive about Americans? Let’s face it, there are millions of *jolly nice* Americans out there who deserve their lashings of ginger beer as much as the next muddy-kneed mystery-solvers. When I worked in Edinburgh, I had an American colleague and was once or twice mistaken for her on the phone. Hello? New York // slightly modified Cockney?

If Blyton remixes are not your Amazon wishlist entry of choice, perhaps you’ll go for the new Philip Pullman - Once upon a time in the north - a prequel of sorts to His dark materials. We get to learn more about Lee Scoresby and Hester. And we get to taste the real Pullman again and leave behind the oh so seductive visuals but oh so mangled plot of the film.